My husband is a deadbeat and I don’t love him, normal or?

Is this normal? I do not love my husband. He is a deadbeat. He doesn’t work and sits on unemployment. He makes 0 a month there, which forces us to live with my mother and split rent costs. He refuses to look for work because it will take away his free time with us, or playing internet video games. I am the only one working from my computer I sell clothing online but it isn’t enough to pay bills, and rent, etc… especially when he isn’t helping me.

We have a 6 month old and a 3 yr old. He doesn’t play with the children. I go from child to child nursing them. He doesn’t clean the house. He might pick up something once in awhile but laundry, dishes, actual cleaning forget it. He is also enrolled in college getting financial aid. He doesn’t take it seriously. I end up doing 75% of his work. He couldn’t even pass an exam which he was allowed 2 pages of notes for on his own. The test was vital because it means he could get his A/A and GED. It was his only chance in life for something decent but he couldn’t get off of the internet. He blames me or the kids for not passing it, but he has 2 level 80 warcraft characters. Its not us its his lack of devotion to his outside responsibilities. That also brings up sex, which we do not have. He is too busy on his internet to ever pay attention to our relationship. I don’t want him to touch me anyways I detest him.

He has a history of being abusive and violent. When he doesn’t get his way he is impossible to deal with and can turn very ugly. I hate him. I don’t love him because he is a deadbeat and I have no respect for him. I am thinking of tuning up my online business more, and getting him out. He only makes 0 a month, so financially replacing him won’t be difficult. Would I get child support even if he is only having unemployment as an income source?

To top all this off after my daughters birth I was having serious heart issues, and he is just a train wreck. My disabled mother watches and helps with my children more than he ever does.

Are these emotions justified?

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18 Responses to My husband is a deadbeat and I don’t love him, normal or?

  1. Aaron Patton says:

    Wow. That sucks.

    I think you should move out, and make your own life.

  2. ann s says:

    it’s not normal

    time to get rid of the dead wood

  3. moneymaker says:

    Yep. Don’t let the man hold you down. You would be breaking your vows of death do you part when you leave, but he broke his vows first by not taking care of his family and being a man. Still young, so move on and grow as a person. As long as you learn from this, then it’s all good.

  4. Jess says:

    why are u still married to this person?? dump him and find someone who will help you…and yes he does have to pay child support NO MATTER WHAT!

  5. Nae Nae says:

    get a divorce girl, the man who call your husband
    doesn’t care about you or the kids and you
    will probably get money from the goverment

  6. EC says:

    You have enough reasons to file a divorce. You have right to stay away from this lazy a** person. You can do better alone or with with someone who cares about you and your kids.

  7. Meggan M says:

    I got to the second paragraph and thought he was a huge loser! DIVORCE!

  8. Duck in the woods says:

    Women are attracted to men. He’s not being a man. Men strive to provide and protect. He’s just a comfort seeker, not a man. So it’s perfectly natural that you wouldn’t be attracted to him. You probably mistook his physical roughness / violence for manliness and got drawn into this only to discover that he’s a fraud. It takes more than being a bad-ass to be a man. A real man can’t rest until his family is safe and provided for.

  9. priv828 says:

    Can you read that back to yourself and then ask yourself not only why you married him, but why your still married to him and why you had two children to him?

    I am not trying to be harsh but I doubt he got like this overnight. It is highly likely he has always been this way. Wasn’t he lazy before marriage? Wasn’t he lazy after baby number one? And he is still lazy now!.

    The reason I say this is not to make you feel bad but to make you realize that the warning signs for idiots are there early on. You need to learn from this so you don’t continue the pattern of putting up with idiots and making excuses for there behavior while sitting and hoping things get better….they don’t.

    I personally think you should leave and let him have visitation of the children. They still have a right to know him even if he is a lousy husband.

    He has nothing to offer you emotionally or financially and he has a history of being abusive…its a no brainer-leave! Just learn from this so you don’t ever make the same mistakes.

  10. roberto_sebilla2001 says:

    I do not know about justified, but the simple reason of you not wanting to be with him is enough. Then throw in the rest of the stuff. If you “Do Not Love Him” you should let him know, it is not fair to just boil up and explode just because he does not get a clue of what is going on. I am on a similar position that he is just i do not have any kids. I get financial aid and little money here and there from little jobs I do.
    Now ask yourself this: Would things be different if he was successful? I do not believe he would change even if he became more independent financially, if anything I would make things worse as he would feel he has more authority. So in other words if you detest him so much let him go.

  11. Ford giveth Ford taketh Away says:

    Maybe if you and the children moved out, he wouldn’t even notice. Do that.

  12. rplayer64 says:

    Yeah well I can see why you’d feel that way. The problem is that you both aren’t on the same page. Or more so, he isn’t in the right book. He most likely feels overwhelmed by everything happening in his life and seeks to escape it by clinging to something he’s really good at and knows well, like video games. The problem is that he doesn’t have any confidence in himself or his abilities to do well outside of what he’s familiar with.

    You could leave him, that’s certainly an option. I’d at least give him a shot though to say you did. I mean you both got together and had children, I’m assuming, because at one point everything was working and it was all going well. I’m also assuming drugs were not a common interest.

    So if you want things to get better, this is the approach to have to take. Be the kind of person to him you want him to be to you. Don’t blame him for things that have gone wrong, or why things aren’t the way you wish they’d be. That will just turn him away. Instead, talk openly about things because you’re interested in hearing how he feels about them. Is he worried he can’t cut it in the world and be the kind of parent he really wants to be? Start trying to do house chores together, like cook dinner together, or do laundry, wash dishes, etc. If he refuses, ask him to consider what’s more important to him, and just let him figure out the rest. If you tell him “If you don’t stop playing games, I’m leaving” then he’ll adopt a similar stubborn, absolute approach, using yours as his excuse to justify it.

    Overall, try to give him a reason not to be on the computer so much. Maybe once he starts understanding what he’s missing out on, he’ll turn a new leaf and spend more time with you and the kids. That will be the beginning of everything else that’s to come. If he doesn’t start spending more time with you all, then consider that you may be better off alone as well.

  13. Heatherrrrrrrr says:

    You’ve finally had enough. Change occurs when the pain of staying the same becomes to great.
    He was great at some point. You married him and had 2 children with him. When did he start being such a deadbeat? Sometimes people that are unemployed can’t get themselves out of a rut. They sink deeper in it. Sit down and have a serious conversation with him. Or simply get a lawyer and hand him divorce papers and ask him to leave immediately. He doesn’t help you now so what is the difference? He can live off of someone else.

  14. cornish says:

    You could inform job centre,that’s name in uk,and without giving your name let them know he won’t look for work is one solution,but use a public phone,not your own phone.
    Or the best thing to do is to find somewhere else for you and the children to live.
    Look on internet to see who can help you find a place.
    If there is no love,then why waste your life on someone too lazy too look for a job,someone you do not want to be with anymore.
    Take my advice and leave once you find somewhere,if he tries to stop you,phone the police if he is threatening or abusive in anyway.
    But do move and in time you will meet someone to love and be loved by.
    So don’t waste time is my advice,quicker you get help moving,the happier you and your children will be.
    Feel free to email if you need more advice.take care.

  15. Anonymous says:

    No this is not normal. He should be your husband – only if you love him, that is what marriage is about.
    Me and my partner (we are very happy btw) are both of benefits, and are living at my parents. He can’t stand it because we both smoke cannabis, where i can live without it he needs it. So i know what you’re going through with that part.
    Maybe you both need to get better paid jobs or at least get a job to support yourselves. Or, you should consider leaving him, taking your children, agreeing that if he does not support his children, he cannot see them as often as he would like, but do not stop him completely from seeing his children, that is cruel and could get you taken to court! At 6months and 3years the last thing your children need is an unstable home. Which, sorry but that is how this sounds – you’re obviously a loving mother or you wouldn’t be asking for some kind of help/info. If he is not interested in your children, does he need to be around them? This may be a plus side to moving out and moving on with your life. If he cannot not be arsed to get his qualifications and can’t take them seriously – do not take him seriously!! He’ll slowly get the message. As for house hold duties, stop doing his washing and only do enough washing up for yourself and your children. He’ll soon get the message then as well. As for his violence and abusive history, try to put it to the back of your mind, he’ll be able to detect if you’re slightly nervous or scared of him, it comes across in your eyes and speech. Try to stand your ground and have a friend who is on 24hr stand-by to help you in the event of a bad situation arising. For instance, he has a drink – gets a bit mouthy, you’re worried/scared, phone your friend and either get them to come over for a while or stay with them the night – this should be someone of the same sex, who has a partner (for their safety) this adds to their being less to moan about, as the person you’re with is not somebody you would possibly cheat on him with – if he was insecure for some reason.
    As for sex, You can always revert to D.I.Y. It’s fun, even with a mad sex live like mine, i still have time to have a fiddle. it’s fun. However, if you’re moving on, you can get yourself a new friend ;) or if you were to try with your husband, maybe introduce seductive underwear or some toys, spice it up – get him going, maybe this will kick-start your sex live, thus reviving your marriage.

    Help your mum by relieving her off the worries that her daughter and grand children are in an un-happy and possibly dangerous situation. Move out, take you children and LEAVE HIM!

    Sorry, i say it how it is to me. Hope this helps some how. No offence is meant at all by this.

  16. bad girl says:

    Kick his lazy butt out!

  17. pilot_man says:

    I would sit him down and talk to him (not scream) and make it perfectly clear to him. Either he changes or he’s out of your life for good. That will either get the burden out of your life, or it might jolt him into reality. Either way, I would not just let it keep going like this. My wife had some of these same feelings towards me at one point. I didn’t really think I was being selfish, a bad parent or bad husband… til she told me. It’s a hard pill to swallow. I have changed a lot, and she even tells me so. I’m glad that her and I worked out okay. I’m not saying that everyone can change though.

  18. sheloves_dablues says:

    Yes, it’s normal to not love a man who is lazy, rude and abusive.

    Why are you still married to him???